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Things a Jewish mother would never say…

"Just live with him.. you don't have to marry him.. I don't need any grandchildren" 
 "Be good and for your birthday I'll buy you a motorcycle!" 
 "How on earth can you see the TV, sitting so far back?" 
 "Don't bother wearing a jacket -- it's quite warm out." 
 "Let me smell that shirt -- yeah, it's good for another week." 
 "I think a cluttered bedroom is a sign of creativity." 
 "Yeah, I used to skip school, too." 
 "Just leave all the lights makes the house more cheery." 
 "Could you turn the music up louder, so I can enjoy it, too?" 
 "Run and bring me the scissors! Hurry!" 
 "Aw, just turn these undies inside out. No one will ever know." 
 "I don't have a tissue with me -- just use your sleeve." 
 "Well, if Timmy's Mom says it's okay, that's good enough for me." 
 "Of course you should walk to school and back. What's the big deal about having to cross a few main streets?" 
 "My meeting won't be over till later tonight. You kids don't mind skipping dinner, do you?" 
 "I saw your subscription to Playboy was expiring so I sent in a check to renew." 
 "If she wants you both to move back east to live near her family it's fine with me." 
 "Mother's day, Shmother's Day you just go to the beach and enjoy yourselves." 
 "You don't have to call me every week I know how busy you are." 
 "Your father is a saint you should only be just like him." 
 "You are so lucky to have your in-laws" 
 "Your wife knows best - forget about the advice I gave you"


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